| How divorce affects you individually depends on the | | | | those who wanted the divorce - post-divorce sees a |
| type of divorce - who was at the receiving end. In | | | | resurgence of the carefree free spirit in them. They |
| short, the nature of divorce decides your changed | | | | are ready to move on embracing life alone. They |
| situation - whether you were the petitioner or the | | | | usually change their job - change their entire social |
| respondent. Social psychologists argue that the effects | | | | support network. They make new friends and pursue |
| of divorce are subjective reliant solely on individual | | | | new or childhood hobbies and passions of biking, |
| perception. If you consider the divorce to be a bad act | | | | painting or reading. Social psychologists argue that the |
| - then you see the changed new post-divorce situation | | | | first few days of post-divorce are extremely important |
| as stressful. Your feelings of negativity rub off on your | | | | - they decide whether the individual takes to |
| children. Thus, in such cases, post-divorce is a sorry | | | | sublimation or decides to project all negative feelings |
| situation. However, the situation changes drastically if | | | | outward. Sublimation is actually an introspective, |
| you are the petitioner. You want the divorce and thus | | | | reflective way of dealing with the aftermath of |
| getting the divorce is a positive act for you. In this | | | | divorce. It allows individuals to avoid the blame game |
| case, the effects of divorce are viewed as liberating | | | | turning their feelings into a creative outlet of painting, |
| and joyous. Social psychologists including marital | | | | writing, reading, sculpting or sewing. When these |
| counsellors state that the effects of divorce are | | | | individuals turn their emotional baggage into a creative |
| far-reaching and diverse. They can be positive such as | | | | activity, a form of inward therapy is born. These |
| propelling the individual to seek her or his own identity. | | | | people are able to handle their feelings by writing, |
| In other cases, it can be negative such as behavioural | | | | painting or even sculpting their inner feelings. This |
| disorder issues of maladjustment, panic disorders and | | | | sublimation washes away all negativity making them |
| anti-social patterns. These effects are felt on both | | | | stronger to face life alone on their own terms. On the |
| parents and children. The effect on children depends | | | | other hand, children and type 1 personality individuals |
| on the way the divorce effect is handled by the | | | | project their negative feelings outward. They indulge in |
| parent. Thus, parents shape the behaviour and | | | | the blame game and want to hurt other people as |
| adjustment level of children post-divorce. Lifestyle | | | | they have been hurt. They feel that society, in general, |
| Changes: The disintegration of the family unit simply | | | | owes them something. And when society does not |
| means that where there were two adults handling | | | | give them peace and happiness post-divorce, they |
| family finances and issues, now there is just one. This | | | | become behavioural projectors. These people indulge |
| means a scaling down of the lifestyle - what was | | | | in behaviours of mutilation of self or physical torture of |
| previously followed has to change. Usually, | | | | others. In young divorce victims i.e., children, projection |
| post-divorce period witnesses a change in residence | | | | takes on the form of regressive anti-social behaviour - |
| and financial status. Purse strings have to be tightened | | | | bullying, bed-wetting and tantrum-throwing. Such |
| - expenditures have to be controlled. Children have to | | | | behaviour gives rise to panic disorders, schizophrenic |
| adjust - schools have to be changed - hobby classes | | | | disorders, psychological sexual disorders and |
| have to be sacrificed. But this lifestyle change boils | | | | obsessive-compulsive disorders. Such behaviour |
| down to the type of divorce - contested or | | | | disorders reflect the inability to accept reality and |
| uncontested. Social psychologists argue that exes try | | | | move ahead with life. Divorcers go through a series of |
| to maintain the previous lifestyle after an uncontested | | | | emotions - right from euphoria to relief to adornment |
| divorce. But in more than 89% of contested divorces, | | | | and loneliness. The depth and magnitude of these |
| this is seldom the case. Acrimonious relations rule the | | | | emotions depend on the personality and perception of |
| behaviour pattern. Even if the ex stays in the | | | | the individual. A single father or mother can view the |
| matrimonial home - locks are changed and a new | | | | situation in a positive light - bring up children on their |
| system of schedule is put in place. Lifestyle changes | | | | own terms without having to compromise, or, they can |
| also include personal grooming changes - changing | | | | wallow in self-pity and misery destroying the very |
| your wardrobe - changing your way of behaving in a | | | | bond that exists between them and the child. A child is |
| social situation. Behaviour Patterns: Divorce affects the | | | | left vulnerable after divorce and it is up to the parent |
| behaviour of the families concerned. The hardest hit | | | | to plug all gaps and be the responsible, caring |
| are the partners themselves. They lose their | | | | disciplinarian and parent. The child is going to take his or |
| self-confidence and ability to bounce back into the | | | | her cues from the parent and act accordingly. |
| midst of things. Divorce simply cripples them. But, for | | | | |